La Paranoia Est une Forme d'Aide, Vraiment!
by Shamoosh
Summary: In which Pip startles Seras into a bit of her vampiric inheritance. Sort of. And the mercenary and Alucard decide to help her out. Also sort of. And Integra is there too. [Paranoia Is A Form Of Help, Really!]


Right. Well, my first bit of fanfiction that I'm relatively satisfied with. I didn't develop it nearly as much as I wanted, but I couldn't find a way to do that without sending the what little semblance of plot there is to Hell in a handbasket.

* * *

It had been completely accidental. Completely. He had nothing to do with it.

Or so Pip told one Sir Integra Hellsing when she demanded to know why sharp cracks kept echoing throughout her home.

A good arm's length-and-a-half away from the mercenary, Seras Victoria stood at attention, glancing around in a most paranoid manner; her favorite part of being a vampire renewed itself in her favor as once again, her pale skin didn't blush under the Hellsing director's intense scrutiny.

"I did not ask whose fault it was, Captain Bernadotte," her tone of voice implied that she already knew quite well, "but what the source is."

The mercenary raised a hand and pointed to Seras, who flinched and shot him with a suspicious look before turning to Integra and seeming apologetic.

"At ease, Officer Victoria," Sir Integra sighed, muttering under her breath, "I should have expected as much."

The vampire in the room heard it rather easily; again she was reminded of the joys of being such a creature when she didn't flush in shame.

The woman before the two continued on. "Why are you making such bloody noise, Officer Victoria? And what has Captain Bernadotte to do with it?" She fixed them both with a stern glare. "Speak freely."

"Y-yes, sir!" Seras swallowed out of habit, still scanning the room—and even the floor, for some odd reason the Hellsing couldn't fathom—with suspicious and wide eyes.

Gloved fingers rose up to tangle in her hair as she spoke, casting a nervous glance to the carpet beneath her feet as she shifted. "Well, you see, sir, we were at the firing range and…."

* * *

Seras fired off round after round at the targets as a few of the Wild Geese stumbled over, having just woken up.

She had been awake since sunset as always, completely unable to sleep during the night. After learning from Walter that Sir Integra had no orders for her, she had decided to practice the third eye that was so very handy in most situations.

Captain Pip Bernadotte was among the mercenaries lugging their guns down to the range. Seras gave him a nod and smile, flashing fangs, and called a cheerful good night to the group. They responded in kind.

It had taken quite awhile for the men to get used to her—her first impression wasn't exactly bunnies and butterflies, after all. But after becoming acquainted with her master, the Geese were more warmly inclined to the lesser vampire.

Partially because of the fact that they weren't sure what Alucard would do if they were rude, and partially because it was actually very hard to be mean to the blonde.

And also because—_damn_, did that girl have a great body!

Seras turned back to her shooting, focusing inward and finding that bit of herself she so often pushed away. It curled around her like the tendrils of her master's mind in her own, caressing with cool fingers.

The third eye opened with her two physical ones, which were currently the red Alucard had told her they would be permanently after she drank blood from the neck of a human.

She ignored that thought and all other thoughts and feelings, concentrated on the aim of the gun and the target's heart. The finger resting on the trigger gave a spasm and the bullet shot cleanly through the center of the pretend-vampire-or-ghoul's heart.

A tiny grin stretched Seras' lips, writhing back to show some of her suddenly sharp teeth.

She aimed her next shot carefully, shooting this time for the head. The finger tightened on the trigger once more, about to press, when something rather _grabby _attached itself to her bottom.

She shrieked, jerking forward and away from the hand. Her grip tightened on the gun as something inside of her snapped, and two sharp cracks echoed throughout the firing range.

The fired weapon dropped to the ground as its owner literally _exploded _into a veritable cloud of bats.

Pip yelped along with his men as the swarm scattered, throwing himself backwards from the spot where the blonde vampire had stood.

Suddenly the great mass of red-eyed bats collected together where Seras had been standing. He blinked and then the fledgling vampire was there again, severely ruffled and partially hunched over.

Her strawberry blonde hair was tousled in all directions, one of her stockings rolled halfway down and her uniform shirt on backwards. She gasped for unnecessary air, completely unaware of the habit, and shrilly breathed, "_Oh my god!"_

There was a moment of stunned silence in which the Wild Geese stared at Seras and she—wide-eyed and trembling—stared back.

Alucard faded into existence then, taking in his shaken fledgling and her human counterparts with his trademark grin. It was different, however, Seras noted when she'd recovered somewhat. There was no small amount of pride etched into it as his orange eyes fixed on her.

"Well done, Police Girl," he grinned. "What caused that spike in power, might I ask?"

"B-bats," one of the Geese stuttered incredulously.

The No Life King's grin widened and he looked at the Police Girl somewhat appraisingly. "Already? I wasn't expecting a breakthrough from you for several months."

The blonde managed her voice. "C-completely unintentional," she stuttered for no real reason, still shaken.

He strode over to her, leering as always. "What caused it?"

She glanced at Pip, still on the ground where he had tripped. "He—he, er, groped me when I was shooting." Had she been human, Seras would have flushed.

"And you were using your third eye, which was releasing your instincts and power," Alucard continued for her. His grin somehow morphed into what she could only call an open-mouthed smirk. "So when he surprised you, your vampire side acted accordingly."

Seras swallowed and nodded, no longer quite as thrown for a loop. It made more sense when he said it like that….

"So surprise was your key, hmm?"

Her master's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. He was leering at her most predatorily. She took a step back, stumbling on her forgotten gun.

"I wonder how we can use this to our advantage…." He trailed off, voice thick with implications. His gaze suddenly traveled from the Police Girl to Captain Bernadotte, who had finally picked himself up.

The mercenary paled suddenly, locking eyes with Alucard, and then he grinned. Seras watched them both warily; there was no doubt in her mind that the two were plotting against her.

There was no way of knowing how very right she was.

* * *

For the rest of the night, Seras was groped, frightened, and startled in a plethora of ways.

And all with the intent to help her with her powers, or so Pip had said.

When his hand somehow found its way to her chest some four minutes later, she wasn't that inclined to believe him.

Her master, to his credit, settled with merely causing almost-heart attacks by popping up in front of her when she least expected it.

When that had failed to work (after the sixth or seventh successful attempt), he'd resorted to sticking his hand through the floor to grab at her ankles.

This hadn't failed yet.

When the rest of the Wild Geese had caught on (it didn't take long, unfortunately) and started jumping out from behind corners and even following in the techniques of their captain, the poor young vampire had been reduced to a paranoid, fidgety mess.

Integra had heard the noise of the near constant cracks of Seras exploding (because honestly, that was the only word for it) into a flock of startled bats and Walter, ordered to find the source of the disturbances, had escorted both the nervous-wreck of a vampire and the captain—who had caused the latest explosion—to the lady Hellsing's study.

Said woman stared at Seras for a moment when she finished her embarrassed and rushed explanation, taking in her tousled and unruly appearance and how tense she was. Obviously the poor girl was expecting an attack to come at any moment.

As pair of gloved hands slid up through the carpet behind the twitching blonde, Integra decided her suspicions had a rather large amount of merit.

The hands, showing a thin line of white skin and the edges of red sleeves, latched onto the Police Girl's legs before Integra could think to order otherwise.

The accompanying shriek was cut off abruptly by a rather familiar crack, and then a multitude of frenzied bats were swooping about Integra's study.

"_Alucard!"_ Integra roared over the bats' chatter. The No Life King rose up from the floor looking mighty pleased with himself. The bats that were Seras collected after a moment and the young vampire reformed. Her red eyes (which Integra just then took notice of) narrowed and she whirled to face her master.

"Y-you—you…!" she sputtered incomprehensibly, seemingly unable to find words enough to say what she needed, then let out a wordless yell of absolute rage.

Integra watched, elegant eyebrows rising, as the normally cheerful and lighthearted Police Girl seethed in fury.

The Nosferatu was completely unaffected. "Yes, me, Police Girl?"

Her already red eyes bled darker as she struggled to control herself. "I don't think my ability is going to go away, Master," she said almost evenly, the strain of keeping her temper in check apparent. "So can you drop it with the trying to scare me thing?"

Alucard leered and for once the fledgling didn't back down. Judging from the gleam in his eye, the vampire was pleased. "And why would I want to do that, Police Girl?"

She—and Integra was faintly impressed by the usually meek girl's gall—glared. "I'm gettin' bloody _tired_ of bein' paranoid that I'm either goin' to be _molested_ or have someone pop out at me!" Apparently, Seras' accent thickened with her anger. "And I haven't been able to try it on my own yet!"

Amused, Alucard motioned for her to do just that. "Well? Let's see what you can do."

Suddenly deflated of her wrath, Seras turned inquisitive red eyes to the forgotten Integra. The woman nodded. "Very well, Victoria."

"Erm, r-right." There was a second's silence in which the young vampire closed her eyes and seemed to focus, and then once again the loud crack—quite like a succinct gunshot, actually, the Lady Hellsing mused—rang out.

The flock of bats that appeared was much more controlled this time, not the frenzied creatures of earlier. They swarmed around Alucard and Captain Bernadotte (careful to avoid ruffling Hellsing's director), clutching at clothing and chattering.

The vampire, stroking one of the three that had decided to hang from the brim of his hat, chuckled proudly.

Pip, on the other hand, was warily eyeing the few that were attempting to latch onto his braid. A stray bat flew to Sir Integra, flitting before her face at a respectful distance. She raised an eyebrow at it before letting a tiny smile—no more than a slight twitching at the corners of her mouth—show. The bat appeared to chirp (she couldn't hear it) and the mass of them collected in one spot before taking a more human shape.

Seras stood with her hands on her hips, smirking proudly at them all. "See?" she said, and Integra detected a bit of weariness in her voice. "I told you I could do it."

* * *

Sorry for the rather abrupt ending, but that's as far as I got before I ran out of scenes that flowed. Personally? I'm rather proud of my very first _Hellsing _fanfiction (although I can't bear admitting that I actually read and write this stuff without wincing), although I do think it's kind of boring. Not at all as funny as I wanted it to be, and I didn't really get to elaborate on the mental image I had of Seras acually _exploding_ into bats. Heheh. Now there's a thought that will make you smile...

Please, critize. I need it like life-blood. Praise is all well and good, but it only serves to swell my ego (which is currently the size of one S. Victoria's chest).

Oh, and I've got an idea or six for the ways Seras develops her other powers (with 'help' from Alucard and the ever-loyal Wild Geese, of course), but nothing even half-developed yet, so don't take the thought of this being continued as written in stone.

Salut!


End file.
